The Proverbs 31 Husband…

Many have been known to liken many women to the proverbs 31 woman in the bible, they have been known to compare the women who must become wives and even sometimes girlfriends to this chapter in the bible which undeniably, describes the characteristics of an ideal woman.   Many men have sought and found wives without the instructions given in the book of proverbs chapter 31 and for those like that, they have considered themselves to be gods who know what it is a woman must possess. They have  considered themselves to be ‘god’ thinking men who know the qualities or more of a woman written in proverbs 31 and what it is, a wife material must have.     Many relationships, which experience nagging and un submissive wives and girlfriends, lay blames on women who never play their parts well, signifying that women, not men have the major work to do without confirming that in many ways than one, both parties share responsibilities on what could make a relationship/marriage work.   The book of Proverbs chapter 31 tells an inspiring poem/letter in which a mother advises her son (king Lemuel) about what kind of woman he needs in his life. She tells him all about a woman’s quality and tells him that a good woman cannot be bought (pr 31:10), she says a woman brings confidence to her man(pr 31:11), she brings him good (pr 31:12), she is hard […]

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USING SOCIAL MEDIA TO YOUR ADVANTAGE…

With the numerous social media sites and the billions of people registering with them, one would imagine that those billions or even millions would know how best to use the social media networks to their advantage.   The growth of twitter, facebook, myspace, pinterest, instagram and so on, has made it effortless for individuals, no matter the distance, time difference or race to access one another thus bringing the pleasures of business marketing and relationship development.     Unfortunately, involving oneself in the different social media; has its ups and its downs – it has its positives and negatives which could affect one personally and profession wise. With the invent of androids, mobile phones, ipads and laptops, and the easy access to various media sites, the buzz on how one can use it to their advantage seems un-utilized as many have failed to promote themselves using whatever social medium they are registered with. The use of social mediums which allows one a function to friend and un friend, follow and un follow friends known and un-know, has been effective and many have come to realize who and who should remain a friend, however for many this has proven to be a major task as many still follow and friend a large group of people who do not play a part in their future or professional status.   Many businesses, such as fashion wears and magazines went upbeat as a result of its […]

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TO THE MEN WHO CAN’T TELL THEIR WOMEN “I LOVE YOU”

Being in a relationship means more than we know, it affects our health, our spirituality and even our attitude; it plays a vital role in our life that depicts who we really are and sometimes it helps us become who we eventually become.   Getting involved with people always seem interesting at the start, we get to know them, their likes and dislikes and sometimes knowing people brings laughter and joy. A relationship however we look at it, always has a lesson for us; we learn our best characters in them, because those we are involved with admire it and we learn what it is, we must do away with to live aright with others and this is because of the correction those we are in a relationship with give to us.  A man is usually the person who admires a woman and approaches her, he always sees  a sense of humor, challenge, care and grace in her that he longs to belong in; he always finds a means to know the things she likes and dislikes and always finds a way to make time for what she believes in.    The woman on the other hand always has the power to let him in or out, she always has the power to accept him for who he was and what it is he may likely become in her care. She continues to tickle his brain to what it is […]

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TO PURSUE OR NOT TO PURSUE…THAT IS THE QUESTION! by SAM HAILES

‘TAKE wives!” the preacher shouted. “The word is TAKE”!” The congregation laughed as the T word – pulled from an Old Testament scripture – was emphasized over and over again. The message was crystal clear: Men should pursue their girl to the very end. What end? Marriage, of course.     I’m 5 years on from hearing that sermon preached and one month into marriage. Yet I still find myself asking the question: Do women like to be taken/chased/pursued? Or are the thousands of Christian men who hear (biblical?) teaching on ‘pursuing’ their ladies, actually being led astray?     This is not a hypothetical question. I know more than one man who has got this area of relationships and dating seriously wrong. It’s hardly a problem confined to Christian circles either. We all know of ‘that guy’ who just won’t take the hint, despite said hint being dropped so many times, it’s making a dent in the ground. For some guys, ‘pursuing’ the girl’ tips into ‘stalking the girl’. And no one wants that.     Yet there does seem to be some truth in the idea that girls want to be chased. What about all those romantic comedies? He likes her. She doesn’t like him. The guy perseveres and 100 minutes later the girl finally gives way to the Italian Stallion. Happily ever after, right?On the other hand, taking relationship advice from Hollywood is a bit like asking […]

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ARE YOU A HAPPY OR A SAD WRITER? by Roy Peter Clark

Yesterday was a happy day for me as a writer after I received an enthusiastic review of my new book “How to Write Short.”     But what if it had been a negative review, or a hostile review, or an insulting review? I would like to think that it still would have been a happy writing day. But how is that possible? It’s because I’ve finally reached a point where my self-worth as a writer is not determined by the reaction of others: not editors, not readers, not critics.     Of course, such reaction “influences” my feelings, but it does not “determine” them.   To apply some of the principles of cognitive psychology to the writing craft, here are some of our emotional responses that I now think are “cognitive distortions”:   “An editor changed my story, proof that I cannot do good work on my own.”   I’ve received a dozen rejections on this book manuscript; I must be a terrible writer. Maybe I can get a real estate license.   I just received an award for my writing, but that’s only because they don’t realize what a fraud I am.   I can’t get any writing done today, so I obviously suck.   It’s a simple equation, actually. How you know something determines how you feel about it. That suggests the antidote to discouragement and despair as a writer is to come to know your craft in a new way.     […]

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Sex Happens Everywhere Except In Marriage…

“Why don’t we do this more often?  I love sex and I particularly enjoy it with my husband but getting started is just the problem,” exclaimed one wife after a counselling session in my office. Another woman said, “It’s strange, but whenever we do make love, we always look at each other afterward and say”, Hey, that was terrific. Why don’t we do this more often? Why don’t we? Many married couples say that once things get rolling in sexually, they have no trouble responding to a sexual trip and escapade. But a couple’s inability to get started sexually is the greatest single cause of sexual infrequency and sexless marriage. As much as many couples desire sex to be a “sudden inspiration,” impressive passionate, sex mostly happens in marriage when couples make initiating sex a conscious decision. Many couples have realized that while waiting endlessly for the time of feeling sexy, they usually are not feeling all that sexy until when they decide to have sex. But “getting started” is only half the problem in most marriages. There’s also the question of who starts the initiation. Let’s look at the case of Bidemi and Lucky. During the first seven years of Bidemi and Lucky’s marriage, Lucky had always initiated sex and five out of ten times, Bidemi had willingly acceded. But one evening, after a party, Bidemi reached under the bedcovers and began to caress her husband. “He just pushed […]

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Destiny

Originally posted on Cristian Mihai:
I don’t know if you believe in destiny or not, if you believe in a predetermined order of things. If you believe we’re all puppets on strings, and some higher consciousness is controlling our actions. Maybe you think free will is an illusion, and, in a way, you’d be right to think that. Why? Because, whether or not you like it, society, as in everyone who has the power to influence our lives, is constantly trying to “guide” us. It’s how this world has functioned ever since we invented civilization. Everyone around you is trying to help you into becoming who they need you to be. Not who you want to be, not who you’ve always dreamed of being, but who they need you to be in order for them to be who they want to be. It’s not complicated or great or sad. It’s just how things work. But what if you want more? What if you don’t feel like giving up without a fight? What then? I’ve been wanting to be a writer ever since I was 13 years old. And I wrote and wrote and wrote, and I read 1,000 books, and I’ve made a fool out of myself countless times. I’ve got bad reviews, I’ve received hate e-mails. I’ve been told to give up by friends and family. And I’ve nearly starved to death on a more than one occasion. But…

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HOLD ON…

Somebody said that it couldn’t be done, but with a smile on his face, he said I won’t say that, till I try to do it. He buckled right up and went on doing it. If he worried, he hid it- he would sing when he thought it was impossible to hide his fears, with a lift of his chin and a bit of a grin, without any doubt he sang as he tackled the thing that couldn’t be done.     There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done, there are thousands to prophesy failure; there are thousands to point out to you, one by one, the dangers that wait to assail you. But just buckle in with a bit of a grin, just take off your coat and go to it; start to sing/pray/hustle/believe/speak positive as you tackle the thing that ‘cannot be done,’ and you’ll do it.     Once upon a time, there was a man called job, he was a rich man, he had children, who partied, who did what ever they liked, of cos job was a man that worshiped God, not that he went to church on Sunday, he wasn’t a pastor but job was a man knew there was a supreme God.  Job was a man always scared, he thought the worse would happen to his children, he thought the worse would happen to him and as his thoughts would have it, everything […]

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Staying Together

Just like many, we are often carried away when we see older couples who have spent thirty, forty years together, we wonder if like boyfriends and girlfriends they had no issues that should have separated them and the truth is, they did- so what kept them together we ask?   Relationships begin when we admire someone, it sticks when we admire the good about that person and it grows when we never stop admiring that person. Staying together takes work, it takes commitment and it takes more than a book, a therapist or even an article would advice you.   When we seek someone to be involved with, consciously or not, we go on a hunt for love. Every one regardless of what they have or feel, has a need to be loved and that is what a relationship is all about, we all have pain and we all want to heal from them.   Relationships are usually between two people, they are usually about two individuals who find fun staying together; the fun doesn’t always stay with them and sometimes both parties don’t want that fun at the same time but of cos, it doesn’t mean they don’t want each other.   We often look for the good relationship, we think the couples who quarrel out loud have the worse relationship and the ones we see peck and cuddle have the best relationships, we think a silent woman is […]

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The Orphan

I am an orphan I have been abandoned I do not know why My parents went on a journey, They were carried by death. Maybe they don’t want me Maybe they can’t feed me But why did they bring me here? We are many here They say we are orphans They have stories for all of us The preacher comes to pray for us He teaches us to pray for ourselves He prays that we have enough to eat He prays that we play with one another Some of us love each other, Some of us hurt each other The preacher says fighting is bad He prays for us that we find new homes We heard stories that those outside fight each other We hear they kill each other Some of us don’t want to leave But the preacher says we have to leave for others come He said there are people like us out there He said people will always kill and fight He said people would always leave people He said we would have scars but he said we can heal He said we should pray because everyone would leave us He said only God stays.

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How Beautiful Are You?

As women, we are fond of our looks; we go crazy when we get out of shape and people tell us we look older than our age or even just our age, we want compliments such as “wow you look younger”, “you skin looks lovely” and all that. Its nice when we look good and sometimes we do these things because of the opposite sex, we do them because of what others would say and sometimes we do them because we just wanna look good. Aint nothing wrong right? We have to be women and we are born that way. We just wanna look good and have fun. Looking good is a good thing, its our priority and it has always been our wish to be more than we are, not just in the office or in the kitchen but also within and outside our bodies; who can blame us, we all are competitors in one way or another. Everyday, women look for ways to become better, younger, sexier and everyday, answers get to them when they go looking. Many find what they look for and many get the compliment they want, many fail because they try it all and many keep the search on. It is important to note that while we look for ways to be better, looking good starts with you, it starts with the lifestyle you live and the things you accept into your life and […]

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“GREAT NIGERIAN YOUTH…HOW FAR?” – WRITTEN BY CHARLY BOY

One of the many things God blessed me with, would be the ability to go to sleep at will even if my house is on fire. I consider that as a gift because, this environment has murdered sleep for most Nigerians. How can we sleep when things are all falling apart around us? It saddens my heart to see the appalling state of our nation and the quick progressive decline in the quality of governance and the management of the polity. Naija as it were has gone to the dogs and really, it’s only a matter of time before shit finally hits the fan. Because, we must hit rock-bottom before we can start to think of a Nigeria that is workable.       I have noticed lately that I am fast losing my gift, being able to fall asleep at will. It’s no longer happening for me like it use to. Thank God, I haven’t gotten to the point of popping different kinds of pills to be able to get some sleep. These days, I seem so consumed with the thoughts of how all of these injustices, poor leadership, the frustration, hopelessness, and despair amongst young Nigerians will all be resolved. How much longer can we all go on as if all is well.  The situations as appalling as they are reminds me of Asa’s song, “There is Fire on the Mountain, and no one seems to be on the […]

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Selected Writers for 2013 Farafina Trust Creative Writing Workshop

Originally posted on Farafina Books:
In April, Farafina Trust called for entries for the 2013 Farafina Trust creative writing workshop, inviting writers from all over the world to submit their short pieces. From the numerous applicants, twenty-five outstanding writers have been selected to participate in the workshop this year, which will be taught by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, Eghosa Imasuen, Binyavanga Wainaina and other writers of note. The selected writers this year are: 1. Zenique Gardner (USA) 2. Maryam  Shuaib (Minna) 3. Tolu Agunbiade (Ketu) 4. Timendu Aghahowa (Ikeja) 5. Abdulrashid Muhammad (Abuja) 6. Uchenna Ude (Lagos) 7. Udoh Charles Rapulu (Onitsha) 8. Gbolahan Adeola (USA) 9. Lilian Izuorah (Minna) 10. Suleiman Agbonkhianmen ( Lagos) 11. Nicholas Ochiel (Kenya) 12. Yakubu Damilola Daniel (Kwara) 13. Kelechi Njoku (Abuja) 14. Lesley Nneka Arimah (USA) 15. Tajudeen Sagaya (Lagos) 16. Adaora Nwankwo (Onitsha) 17. Chidinma Nnamani (Enugu) 18. Arinze Daniel Ifeakandu (Kano) 19. Okpanachi Eyo Michael (Zaria) 20. Okechukwu Otukwu (Delta) 21. Dami Adeleke (Lagos) 22. Faith Tissa (Anambra) 23. Sifa Asani Gowon (Jos) 24. Efe Paul Azino (Lagos) 25. Aima Ojehomor (PH)

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