Cheating Is Cheating by Lola Komolafe


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I had ’11 Minutes-that’s all it takes’ on my BBM status days back and some inquisitive friends questioned what I was up to. How do you discuss masturbation in this part of the world? I requested for their mail addresses and sent soft covers to them, some things are better left unsaid! 11 Minutes, how I love to read Paulo Coelho’s books. The book is about a prostitute named Maria and it teaches the importance of sex in the lives of both men and women. 11 Minutes can be crucial in an individual’s life who’s seeking sexual gratification. Maria states in her diary since her first masturbation her life as prostitute in Switzerland. This note is NOT about masturbation. My question is would you rather put yourself and self-worth under a curse by cheating on your partner??? If you find your man in the loo wanking himself while watching porn will that make a difference? If you catch your woman in bed with dildos or with another woman will that piss you off or will you be incredibly turned on? haha! There is no way to look at cheating other than the fact that it is wrong. The number of articles on the internet is overwhelming. What makes men cheat? Wouldn’t it make more sense to ask the guys? A quick comparison below…

FOR MEN
48 percent of men rated emotional dissatisfaction as the primary reason they cheated.
66 percent of cheating men report feeling guilt during the affair.
77 percent of cheating men have a good friend who cheated.
40 percent of cheating men met the other woman at work.
Only 12 percent of cheating men said their mistress was more physically attractive than their wife.
Only 6 percent of cheating men had sex with a woman after meeting her that same day or night.

Eff the figures!
So much for the myth that for men, cheating is all about sex: “But men are emotionally driven beings too. They want their wives to show them that they’re appreciated, and they want women to understand how hard they’re trying to get things right.”
The problem is that men are less likely than women to express these feelings, so you won’t always know when your guy is in need of a little affirmation. “Most men consider it unmanly to ask for a pat on the back, which is why their emotional needs are often overlooked,”

Hanging around friends who stray makes cheating seem normal and legitimizes it as a possibility. The message he’s subconsciously telling himself: My friend is a good guy who happens to be cheating on his wife. I guess even the best of us do it. You can’t simply ban your husband from hanging out with Mr. Wandering Eyes. Another strategy: Build your social circle around happily married couples that share your values — it’ll create an environment that supports marriage.

“Oftentimes the woman he cheats with at the office is someone who praises him, looks up to him, and compliments his efforts. “That’s another reason why it’s so critical that he feel valued at home.” Luckily, there’s a clear warning sign that your husband is getting a little too cozy with a colleague

FOR WOMEN

Not enough sex
Being the bad girl
Self-esteem
Revenge/payback for past wrongs
Lack of intimacy
Feeling neglected/ignored/under appreciated
Your emotional withdrawal
Bedroom boredom
Exit strategy
Revenge for your cheating

Just as men feel the urge to sow their wild oats, some women have an inner sex kitten just waiting to be unleashed — and when the beast escapes from the cage, look out. This frisky behavior usually rears its ugly head in response to some sort of life change — major weight loss, new job, new friends, mid-life crisis, etc. Keep the lines of communication open and she’ll be more likely to talk to you about what’s going on instead of spilling her guts to a stranger in the night.

It’s not just sex that makes women feel connected in a relationship; it’s touching, kissing, cuddling, and communicating. Women crave it, and she could seek it elsewhere if she’s not getting it at home.
Women are emotional beings. Not only do they need physical support, but they also need emotional support.
Sex can become monotonous if you let it — the same position; the same setting; the same person. An affair adds adventure and gets her adrenalin flowing. To avoid routine, avoid repetition. Sweep her away for the weekend, make out at the movies, kiss her for no reason at all… The unexpected adds excitement.

Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Because you cheated, she wants to get back at you and give you a dose of your own medicine. Cheating is her vengeance, her chance to even the playing field. No, you can’t undo your indiscretion, but you can ask for her forgiveness, assure her it will never happen again and suggest couples therapy to help you get through this tough time.

When you add up all the reasons women cheat, it’s usually her heart (or her ego) that needs healing, not her libido. Keep the lines of communication open, be supportive and encouraging and work at keeping that spark ignited. In other words: Don’t give her a reason to stray.

My advice; If you’re worried about infidelity, focus on making your relationship more loving and connected, not on getting your body just right or mastering new sexual positions or masturbating. (But know that sex does matter — it’s one of the key ways to express love so be sure to keep it a priority.

Take charge of what you can control — your own behavior — and take the lead in bringing your relationship/marriage to a better place. Don’t hesitate to show your appreciation for him/her, prioritize time together, and initiate sex more. Give him/her a reason to keep you at the front of your minds.

#thatisallfornow# LOL!

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