A woman once told me; do not receive advice from those in your age group, do not sit and be counselled by those who have the same predicament as you do. Not even if they are a step away from you. I was much younger then and that didn’t sound interesting as it does today.
People are in a hurry for a lot of things and some are playing the imitation game (I want it to be as it was for this or that person, I want to look, dress, act, walk, talk like that) without considering what the person did to get there and it is the same thing with marriage. We want our wedding dress to look like the celebrities we admire, forgetting that a wedding ceremony is not a married life.
Being in a relationship is totally different from being married. Sure you may know the person’s likes and dislikes but it’s a new ball game when that person is permanently attached to you. I hear women adjust easily to married life but men take a cue, when they find out guys night out isn’t the same as before (correct me if am wrong).
In the African society, mothers visit when their daughters/ daughter in-law bring forth, in-laws also visit from time to time and sometimes stay for a long time- as a matter of fact, the belief system is that, it is vital for the woman to accommodate whoever, even if she disagrees with them (story for another day). But then, how does anyone living with a married couple view the marriage system?
The first married couple we ever encounter are our parents, so it is most likely that we think of marriage as they portray theirs. (If the father hits the mother, one may see men as superiors , if the mother is hardworking, one may think any other woman who isn’t so, is lazy and so on).
Living with married couples, has its ups and down. You see and hear a lot. Their issues could even be about you- the other mouth to feed, it could be something else but it always paints a different environment for what you may think or already understand marriage to be.
I spent the weekend with a married couple and never knew they had a quarrel until I overheard the man saying “quarrelling with you is bad, I never get satisfied when I eat”, I stayed with another and the man was close to becoming Mike Tyson because his wife said “She was tired and couldn’t make any food at that time”
Marriage is not a walk in the park. It is not two couples holding hands and taking a pre- wedding shoot looking as happy as can be. Not that marriage is bad- but seeing married couples and thinking that, this is how it is, could make you fail the test. Sometimes we never know how deep the ocean is, until we get in.