Is Your Partner Flirting, When They Are With You?


Ever heard the lyric, “I only have eyes for you?” Well, what happens when you get into a relationship, but still seem to notice other attractive people? Does settling down mean that you need to become blinded by love?

According to, “Looking and playful flirting can be considered healthy components of keeping a strong relationship going.” So College Magazineasks: if you are in a relationship, is it acceptable to flirt with others?

Feeling Trapped

Relationships in college can be hard enough, especially long distance ones. It’s easy to feel left behind when your friends are out looking for hookups or flirting with cute guys at a party. Without your significant other around when you’re out you may feel alone. Just because you are in a committed relationship doesn’t mean that you don’t notice a cute guy or girl in the room – there should be no problem just being friendly with them if you want to.

“We’re only human and our sexuality lives on, regardless of whether you are in a relationship or not,” said licensed psychologist Dr. Seth Meyers in his book, Dr. Seth’s Love Prescription. “When you’re in a relationship, a little flirting is arguably healthy and normal.”

Over time, sheltering yourself from anyone you may find attractive can cause resentment in a relationship and make you think they are holding you back. If you have to hold yourself back from just talking to someone you find attractive in fear that you may cheat, maybe it is time to reevaluate your relationship: just talking shouldn’t be a problem if that’s furthest you take it. Friendly banter can help you feel comfortable going out without your boyfriend or girlfriend and make you happier when you do see them.

“Those who say one should never flirt with someone else most likely unconsciously flirt, at least a little, when their partner is not present,”Meyers continued.


Nearly 50 percent of those polled by the Health and Wellness Association reported feeling young and sexy when they are flirting, and another 36.8 percent said flirting gives them a natural high.

Flirting can actually make you feel sexier in your relationship. Knowing that others find you attractive can boost your confidence and make you feel more attractive.

Carley Dillon, a student at Indian University says that she always feels prettier when she gets hit on even though she has a boyfriend of three years. “I just think that it is flattering, but that doesn’t mean I want to cheat just because I flirt back.”

Having someone try and pick you up can make you feel better about yourself, making you more secure and happier in your relationship.


Know Your Boundaries

By no means am I promoting trying to pick up everyone you see if you are in a relationship. As great as flirting can be for your confidence, remember the golden rule of “treat others how you want to be treated.” Don’t throw yourself over someone else right in front of your boyfriend or girlfriend, as this can cause one of relationships biggest problems, jealousy. Make sure you don’t cross lines from flirting into cheating.

Dillon also added that she has been out with her boyfriend and seen him get hit on by another girl and even flirt back a bit.

“I got a little jealous at first, but he never did anything more than talk to her for a few minutes and then come back over to me. I didn’t get mad; it actually made me appreciate having him more knowing that other girls there wanted my boyfriend.” Dillon says.

A little bit of jealousy can keep a relationship feeling new and exciting. Seeing someone find your significant other attractive can actually make you want them more. It is human nature to want what everyone else wants, and feeling like that your boyfriend or girlfriend is wanted makes them more attractive to you.

Most Importantly…

The most important rule about flirting while in a relationship is to flirt with your boyfriend or girlfriend. Relationships can get boring and too comfortable if you do not try and keep them exciting. Hit on your significant other while you are out and act like they are someone you are trying to pick up, for example; it can keep things fun and will help you maintain a healthy relationship.


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